Raha Rejali (12) | STAFF REPORTER
My dearest Alex,
From the way you smile, to the way your gaze softens when I laugh, there is something about you that is not quite like anything I’ve ever seen. When you hold my hand, it feels like the threads of all my wounds are pulled shut. Every nerve in me lights up, just like your eyes do when you talk about what excites you.
I can’t even recall when the very first time was that I realized my heart skipped a beat every time you called out my name. Maybe it was when you looked through me and saw the unshed tears that burned me from the inside out.
It doesn’t matter. You do.
I often think about how we laid on the grass and pointed at the clouds in the sky, giggling about the weird shapes we saw. Do you remember the first time we spent hours on a call, talking about all our dreams and goals? You never once laughed at all the ambitious goals I had. Instead, you said, with the utmost sincerity, that I could catch a falling star if I truly set my mind to it. I’ll never forget how much it meant to me.
You saw me at my worst, and accepted it. Even as I laid on the floor of my room––sobs ripping out of me that I had kept inside my broken soul for far too long––you held me and swore you would love every part of me. You never tried to cover up the scars left by those before you, but instead kissed them better as we waited for them to heal. You didn’t mind, even as we talked about our imaginary children, Betty and Oliver.
We were perfect, weren’t we?
I suppose that’s why you were taken aback when the words “we should break up” left my mouth.
The more I grew to know you, the more I was certain you deserved better. You deserved someone whole, someone who would be able to stand by your side and keep you happy in a way I never could. I’m sorry I rejected your tear-filled pleas, that I didn’t open the door you knocked on so many times. I broke your heart because I was certain it was meant to beat for someone just as bright as you.
It was for the best.
After all, today I will watch you watch her walk down the aisle. I will watch you smile at her the way you smiled at me, hold her hand the way you held mine, and love her the way you loved me. I didn’t expect my heart to bleed the way it is now. Maybe it’s because I know you were meant to be my forever. You will always be my person, no matter what. I hope you both give Betty and Oliver the life we once dreamed of.
I love you, which is why I will never show you this.
Sincerely,
Amara
