Perfection

Clare Wu (9) | STAFF REPORTER

Shoulders back, chin up. 

“It’s very nice to meet you!” I smile a plastic smile, feeling my face contort unnaturally. I’m trying, really I am, but I can’t live up to society’s standards. My reflection glares back at me, taunting me for everything I’m not. Not sophisticated. Not infinitely cheerful. Not good enough.

Not perfect. 

I tilt my head slightly more to the left, smile a bit wider- and try again, pointedly disregarding the streaks of dark, watery mascara running down my cheeks. I have to get this right before tonight. 

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“It’s very nice to meet you!” No. Not convincing enough. I can easily see the falseness of my expression, how my eyes seem so utterly devoid of all personality. 

“It’s very nice to meet you!”

“It’s very nice to meet you!”

Someone once told me that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. That’s exactly how I feel, going around and around and around, doing the same thing to assuage the same people, for the identical outcome. But there’s no other option – I have to be flawless in the eyes of the public, have to be able to hold a conversation, have to smile for the cameras. I have to be perfect. In this life, I will never, ever catch a break.

Not while I’m alive at least.