Angelina Wang (11) | Staff Reporter
I never won, a single game or contest. But every time I’d find you in a crowd of victors, you’d always pat me on the back and tell me “You’ll get ‘em next time, kiddo” While looking away, because you have always been a terrible liar, and you can’t possibly hide the disappointment in your eyes. Years have passed and my defeats have only grown. But no matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to recall the color of your eyes. Would I still be your “kiddo” if I couldn’t live up to your dreams, only to be devoured by your nightmares? If I could only ever brush my fingers along the clouds and never say hello to the sky above? What if who I am now is the peak of my glory? Would you still be proud of me? Please. Could you look me in the eye, and tell me you’re still proud? Could you tell me, truthfully, that it’s okay to fall under the weight of these expectations? That it’s okay to feel what I’m feeling, to feel like drowning when I’m on dry land? Because I don’t think I could handle a single second of this nightmarish reality if you weren’t right behind me, supporting me, believing in me. Who am I without your faith? Who am I without the blood, sweat and tears that you have put into my future? But your blood paralyses me. And your sweat burns me. And I am drowning in your tears. I’m sorry. You based your entire life on the future of a stranger. How did you know I could do it? How did you believe in someone you've never met? How could you be so sure that I could make it? That I could do all that you could, and so much more? Because I’m looking in the mirror. and I don't think I can. You sacrificed everything for me. So look at me. At my short list of accomplishments, my selfishness, my failures, and my fears. Tell me, Mom, Dad. Was I worth it?